Sunday, March 16, 2003

Rekha’s World: Hooters (Hot) Air

It seems that Rekha has a new cause celebre. Hold on to you halter-tops, she wants to ground Hooters Air. Not surprising for Rekha, given her “I am woman, hear me whine” world view. But, you know, at one point it almost seemed that she had made a connection.

At that moment it even felt as if Islamic and Christian fundamentalists were both right about our cultural debasement, and so were their ideological opposites in the radical feminist wing. If ever there were a time when the forces of feminism and fundamentalism could line up together, this would have to be it.

Yes, Rekha, there is a connection. And, in fact, the fundamentalists and radical feminists are in the same camp on a number of issues. Pornography is a good example. Prostitution is another. Could that mean that the feminists could be wrong? That we’re talking censorship, limitation of individual rights (a woman’s right to choose her profession) and male bashing here? Please, Rekha… please make the connection… come on, you can do it. Ooops… she lost it.

And if ever there were a metaphor for the stupid, sexist, sophomoric times we live in, it would have to be Hooters Air.

Perhaps the “sexist, sophomoric” times in which we live can explain this column and that you hold a position as a columnist at a major metropolitan daily? Hey Rekha, don’t fly on Hooters Air, okay. I won’t fly on Hooter’s air. I’ve been to Hooters here in Des Moines. The women (at least serving the lunch crowd) were skanky and the wings were bad. But you know what… they were working.

And, please tell me why, whenever there’s a Republican in the White House, the times become sexist and sophomoric. But when we have a Democrat in ‘da House, even when he’s getting hummers from women half his age, there’s not a peep from Rekha?

Women have found employment based on men’s sexual foibles since Christ was a corporal. It’s human nature baby. Sorry, we're weak and (especially when we reach middle age) are willing to leave big tips to women with big tits if they serve us drinks and act as if they give a damn. If these women can make a good living serving drinks in their hot pants and halter-tops, more power to them.

But wait… there’s more… away we go to Rekha Land.

The timing sure is uncanny, what with those Mideast insurgents claiming a holy war over corrupt Western values. Thank you, Hooters Air, for playing right into their hands.

Rekha… first of all… it’s Mid East TERRORISTS… not insurgents. You know, I'm sure that you'd look marvelous in a burhka. And given your newfound solidarity with Islamic Fundamentalists in their assult on our culture, I'm sure you would not mind wearing one. You see, it's just a matter of degree. No one should be able to tell someone else what to do with their own body. I don't care if it's a Mullah Omar, Pat Robertson, or Catherine MacKinnon. Whether that means having a abortion before fetal viability or wearing skimpy clothes so that men can ogle you, or having sex for money or on camera. Being an adult, male or female, means that you make choices, take consequences and shut the hell up.

Anyway now, thanks to Rekha, we can answer once and for all the “Why do they hate us?” question. It’s because of Hooters. Those Jihadists must have tried the wings.


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