Iowahawk - Peace Elusive in Strife-Torn Midwest

Decorah, IA - Long-simmering tensions in the volatile Midwest erupted into violence yesterday, as Lutheran extremists from the shadowy Uff Da group claimed responsibility for the early morning egging of Doug's Dairy Freeze and igniting a bag of dog excrement that claimed the left shoe of Decorah Mayor Harold Zander.

In a taped statement broadcast during the Morning Soybean Report on radio station KOEL in nearby Oelwein, an Uff Da spokesman identified only as 'Commandante Greg' said that "the infidels have desecrated the Holy Land and now they have paid for their heresy," adding that "God is pretty great, you betcha."

And it just gets funnier from here. Go forth ye infidels and read the whole thing.